And in the visiting dugout ...

Like the Thunderdome

Tonight the Texas Rangers and Seattle Mariners will box. And play a little baseball.

Less than a week after Richie Sexon flipped out and threw a helmet at Kason Gabbard, the Rangers are throwing Vicente Padilla out there and he's so crazy he might throw at the heads of random Mariners announcers and players' wives.

Anyway, your fight card:

Flyweight
German Duran vs. Ichiro Suzuki
Ichiro may be a little to quick for Duran

Suzuki, by decision

Bantamweight
Brandon Boggs vs. Jose Vidro
Vidro can hit clean-up all he wants, but we all know he's a pudgy second baseman. Boggs is lean and mean.

Boggs, by KO

Lightweight
Milton Bradley vs. Adrian Beltre
Anyone else notice how good Bradley looks. Those arms are fucking cut. And he's just too mean. Like break-a-bottle-on-the-bar-and-stab-you-in-the-neck mean.

Bradley, by TKO

Middleweight
Josh Hamilton vs. Felix Hernandez
Hernandez is not one to back down from a fight. He was the loudest dog barking in the brouhaha the other night. He's a big son of a bitch, too. But has he ever been hooked in heroin? Didn't think so.

Hamilton, by decision

Heavyweight
Franklyn German vs. Richie Sexon
No way Sexon charges the mound on 6-7, 260-pound German, who looks like he's had his fair share of knife fights in the Domnican. He's one bad mother.

German, by KO

The conclusion: Rangers win 9-5. Hooray!